Booty turned Boyfriend!?

You know the saying "men have needs?" well, women have needs too.  I've been single for almost 2 years now and have no interest in getting into a relationship.  I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 3 years in September of 09 and I've been happy ever since.  I've been in relationships most of my life, my frist boyfriend was from 14-17 1/2 my 2nd from 18 to 20 and my last from 20 to 23 and I've been good since.  I've been doing me and nothing less.

However...

Just like men have their needs, so do women.  Some women are quite promiscuous, no shame in their game, and more power to the woman who does whas she pleases, as she pleases, and with who as long as she is safe. In the end, it's that woman sleeping around, so it shouldn't affect anyone so no need for judgement.

Me on the other hand, I met this guy Tony, only a month after my breakup with Roger in October of 09.  You can learn more about that encounter here.  Ever since I met Tony, he's been a friend, a lover, and a little more.  After Tony and I hooked up for the first time, we both set our cards on the table.  Neither one wanted a relationship or the drama that came along with one. Neither one of us wanted to get emotionally attached to the other. We agreed our relationship would be nothing more than friends with benefits.

I've been hooking up with Tony for almost a year and a half and it's been great, however suddenly he flipped the tables on me and I really don't know what to make of it. 

Tony and I have had issues, sometimes he wants to see me and sometimes I just don't.   Even thogh we're friends with benefits, I still see our encounters as "sexual" only.  Tony and I do go out for walks, dinner, and a movie every now and then but I try to avoid all that to avoid emotional attachment.   I have to admit our "relationship" in the beginning was a lot better than it is today, but like any relationship I've had in the past...I begin to drift and lose interest.  Tony noticed that and he always made it a point to bring it up, but this time he came at me from left field and now I'm wondering if I've suddenly merged into an offical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

It all started a few days ago when Tony raised some concern about our "relationship" over a text message...

Tony / Me

So I feel like quite the "guy" in the relationship. You know that kinda guy that just wants to hook up and avoid the funny feelings?? yup. That's me in this "relationship" and I'm constantly put on the hot seat as if I'm just "using" the other. As if! Men. Who understands them.

Tony feels like I've changed and don't really like him or want to see him anymore. That is not the case. I've been simply consumed with work and school and I get tired! Aside from that, I don't live alone anymore and even though I'm still independant, I have my mother living with me and I owe her a lot of respect and I'd never bring a guy home while living under the same roof. I just can't do it.

He said I was the last girl he's been with since we've met (a  year and a half now) but I don't beleive. I mean...if I am or not...what's it to me? He seem's to think I'm really concerned about this.

I remind Tony that this is not a relationship and he's free to do as he pleases because I'm not his woman, his girlfriend, or anyone he owes explanations to and that's when he hits me from left field with he "wants to be" in a relationship.

I'm seriously tripping out right now.

Yes, Tony was quite the promiscuous fellow, and I don't blame him. The man's HOT and well aware of it too.  He's shared most of his sexual stories and encounters with me and I appreciate him more for being so open about his sexual life with  me. In return, I've shared mine with him.

Now about the job thing...and before you start imagining this must be some good looking loser with no job or future, you're wrong. Tony is currently working on his 2nd bachelor's degree and is quite the educated guy but like many college graduates, landing a job within your career field isn't always easy and Tony's an example. I've tried helping him find jobs, sent resume's for him, and even set up interviews for him so I know the man isn't some lazy bum.  I don't date losers with no jobs or future. I know what I want and it's not a guy who's gonna drag me down with him, expect me to support him or take care of him. No thanks. I want a man that's going to walk with me, motivate me, and move forward with me, not drag me down or hold me back and Tony knows this.

About my "negativity"...

Tony is Afghan, therefore being the oldest son, his family would prefer he marry muslim.  I'm not muslim.  Sure, who's talking about marriage right...but why get into a relationship if you know it has no future, no potential, and that it's not going anywhere? My point. exactly.

So I agreed and went against my own contradiction and said I'd be willing to try this new path our "relationship" is about to take.  I really don't feel like we're in a relationship though.  I think and feel everything is the same but our relationship has an official title now.

Tony wants us to date more and do more things that couples do together (outside the bedroom) lol so I figured I would be open minded and try it. I mean, what do I have to lose? He already got me in the sack lol

The good thing about Tony and I is we live 20 minutes apart and he understands that I work and go to school and with him working on his 2nd degree, his evenings are consumed with school work as well and therefore our contact is limited which is good because I really don't have the time for a full time boyfriend who wants to talk, text, see you 24/7.  I already enjoy his company, the sex is great (TMI I know), but I'm really still tripping on this whole bootycall turned boyfriend deal.

Ironic isn't it?

Him: "hey, hi...wanna have sex?"

Her: "hi...um, sure!"

Him"just sex, no strings attached, don't want a relationship"

Her: "great! neither do I"

Them: "Great!"

a year and a half later...

Him: "well you know, why don't we try to do something other than sex"

Her: "um...okay, sure why not?"

Who does that? lol

I guess this begins a new chapter on my life, we'll see where it goes.

To be Continued

San Francisco Sunday

Sunday Liz and I went up to San Francisco. We were supposed to go to the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival but we just ended up walking around and sight seeing.  We took the train to avoid a long drive and having to spend a fortune on gas. We walked around a lot and enjoyed the day. 

Looks like we'll be visiting Frisco more often.  Here are a few pictures of my day.





We went to The Palace of Fine Arts just outside the Exploratorium and took some pictures there. The Palace is grand! It's full of beauty and wonder and makes you feel so small.  The environment is beautiful, the scenery is amazing and the sights are just as beautiful.  Swans were laying around, resting, and withing reaching distance lounging and sunbathing.

People were ball room dancing and it was amazing. Couples looked so in love and the energy and vibe of the environment felt wonderful.

After leaving the park, we roamed around Chinatown.

And finally, we took a walk through AT&T park, home to the SF Giants.  It was amazing. You can never get tired of walking around SF because you are distracted by all the beauty that surrounds you. Walking in SF is probably the easiest form of excericse and probably the least boring way to get a nice workout.

I'm looking forward to more days in San Francisco. Next time, Liz and I agreed that bringing a backpack was more convenient. I brought along an extra pair of tennis shoes incase I got tired of wearing my boots but that didn't happen.  Next time I also want to bring my roller blades so I can ride along the streets and enjoy the breeze and kick up the workout.

Thanks for reading, Hope you enjoyed the post.

xoxo
Mayra

New Beginnings

Hello world!

So it's been a long while since my last post. I've been to and back from my trip to Puerto Rico and my life has changed with great immensity. Perhaps not my life per-se, but my view and outlook on life as a whole and I owe it all to Puerto Rico.  I spent 7 days on that little island in the carribean and I plan to write a narrative novel  based on the events and people that took place over the course of seven days. I'm sure you will enjoy every bit of DRAMA that occurred, as I owe my new beginnings to her.

My perspective on life is a complete "180".  My trip exposed me to things I wasn't aware of. I saw a reflection of my character in another being and since that day all I have to say is I don't want my life to consist of shopping, and shoes and makeup and clothes and drinking and parties and clubs and alcohol and men that have no absolute interest in me at all. EPIPHANY. All this, a mere gateway drug hiding what lurked underneath. Fear and unhapiness.

Sure, shopping is fun and makes us all quite happy but there is so much more to life than partying, drinking, and shopping.  I will not carry on waking up hours before dawn just to spend another 4 hours getting ready, doing makeup, hair, prepping outfits, only to be out and about for an hour, not living life but letting it pass me by as I stare back in a mirror while I gloss my lips and mask my eyes or stare out the window and watch life happen.

I'm not going to stand on the sidelines and SEE life go by, I'm going to LIVE LIFE, and let those who chose not to live life, watch me come alive, watch me live-Me

No more spending two to three hundred dollars every other week on clothes and materialistic bullshit that will just go out of season within the next few months. Instead, I'm using that money towards a better purpose, travel, outdoors, adventure, and excitement--things that are defintely worth living for and spending money on. Experiences that will live with you forever, and not a season.

I won't be that Fat Girl that only knows how to look pretty, dress cute, and only knows how to WISH she was smaller, healthier, more active even. No, I'm gonna be the fat girl that knows how to live a good life and won't let her weight get in the way of living and doing. 

But I will tell you one thing world, people will talk, can talk, and are probably talking right now, but at least I'll be one fat girl they'll remember. I'll be the fat girl that was actually doing something with herself, dragging herself, pushing herself up a hiking trail, swimming in the sea like a whale, and jumping off the end of a bridge hoping and praying the rope won't snap! You'll defintely have something to say, but it will be memorable because I'm not going to sit around and have people conclude amongst themselves why I'm so big and how I got so fat. No way, I wont be that Fat Girl.

I'm not going to rely on others to do what I want to do because my others may not be in for the adventure.  I'm not about to skip out on an adventure because someone else is afraid to do it. I won't let others hold me back from living my life.

It seems that being fat has drawn the line for what a person can and can not do. Yes world, I may be a fat girl, but at least I'm a happy fat girl that likes to be active regardless of my weight, size, and shape. I like to jump out of planes, swim in the sea, and hike through the beauty of nature in a forest so deep I can hardly breath. I may be gasping for air, fighting and bitching my way through but it's worth it and I can do it, I will do it. I wont conclude I can't before trying.  I didn't and wont let my weight stop me from doing all these things and more. If my other friends chose not to take a chance and live a little, do something different, step out of the norm--shopping, shoes, "looking pretty" then fine, look pretty but I'm not about to stop living for them.

They can hate me if they want to, it's not me they hate in the end, it's my courage to superseed the barriers the world puts on me for being a fat girl.  It's the fact that I chose to walk a different path, it's the courage they lack in having. The "I wish I can do that" instead of just DOING it--TRYING. That's what they hate, not me.

My life has taken new beginnings and they've started the day I got back from PR, actually they happeend on the fourth or fifth day of my trip. I'm happier than ever, and have looked at life with a more positive outcome. Being fat isn't going to draw a line for me. Being fat won't determine what I can or can not do or how active I will be. I won't be the fat girl who worries about what others think when I get in a wet suit, in a tiny canoe that looks like it will sink once I get in, or a paraglider that will plummet with all my weight or  hold my toungue  over dinner as if for some unknown reason I just got fat.

FUCK what the world thinks.  Live life, JUST DO IT. And don't get your head so wrapped up around what others might think or say. The world will always have something to say about you, might as well give them something good to say, or bite their toungue over ill words.

So weather some chose to sit on the sidelines and witness life pass them by or live it, I'll be here to share mine.

xoxo
Mayra

Plus Outfit of the Day

Slowly but surely, I can see and feel the difference of eating healthier on my body and it feels great and I will continue making better eating choices so I can maintain a healthy weight or a least not gain anything :)

Here's my outfit of the day for Thursday.

Purple Cardigan from Choice Plus (local shop), Grey Flowered Tunic from Torrid, Paris Blues Jeans & Velvet Flats from Ross. Nail Polish Cowgirl Up by OPI and Gold Key Necklace from Avon. Earrings from JCP.

Vacation Planning: Puerto Rico

So as some of you may or may not be aware, my trip to Puerto Rico is only 13 days away! I plan on making this trip memorable and will try to capture as much of the trip possible. 

I will be leaving with a group of friends and we all decided a weekly apartment rental for our stay there was the easiest and most economical way to go.  At first, we were going to get an apartment with the ocean view (pictured above) because it was only four girls going. Before finalizing and making a deposit two more girls decided to come along and therefore we needed a bigger place so we opted towards a bigger apartment around the corner from the first. 

The apartment is a whole lot bigger than the first choice and it's even cheaper for us with more girls coming along. Although we no longer have the beach view the beach is walking distance if any one of us decides to go relax in the sand. Besides, who's gonna be staring out the window anyway? I just hope the weather is nice enought to want to even go near the water!

Here's a collage  of our lovely apartment. I hope it looks this good when we get there! For now, I can say I'm already loving our 2nd chocie of an apartment better!

The setting reminds me of reality tv, 6 girls arriving at some location in a furnished home/apartment and live life like they know how! I have a feeling most of will be passed out all over the place lol.

I can't wait!!!!