So it's been a long while since my last post. I've been to and back from my trip to Puerto Rico and my life has changed with great immensity. Perhaps not my life per-se, but my view and outlook on life as a whole and I owe it all to Puerto Rico. I spent 7 days on that little island in the carribean and I plan to write a narrative novel based on the events and people that took place over the course of seven days. I'm sure you will enjoy every bit of DRAMA that occurred, as I owe my new beginnings to her.
My perspective on life is a complete "180". My trip exposed me to things I wasn't aware of. I saw a reflection of my character in another being and since that day all I have to say is I don't want my life to consist of shopping, and shoes and makeup and clothes and drinking and parties and clubs and alcohol and men that have no absolute interest in me at all. EPIPHANY. All this, a mere gateway drug hiding what lurked underneath. Fear and unhapiness.
Sure, shopping is fun and makes us all quite happy but there is so much more to life than partying, drinking, and shopping. I will not carry on waking up hours before dawn just to spend another 4 hours getting ready, doing makeup, hair, prepping outfits, only to be out and about for an hour, not living life but letting it pass me by as I stare back in a mirror while I gloss my lips and mask my eyes or stare out the window and watch life happen.
I'm not going to stand on the sidelines and SEE life go by, I'm going to LIVE LIFE, and let those who chose not to live life, watch me come alive, watch me live-Me
No more spending two to three hundred dollars every other week on clothes and materialistic bullshit that will just go out of season within the next few months. Instead, I'm using that money towards a better purpose, travel, outdoors, adventure, and excitement--things that are defintely worth living for and spending money on. Experiences that will live with you forever, and not a season.
I won't be that Fat Girl that only knows how to look pretty, dress cute, and only knows how to WISH she was smaller, healthier, more active even. No, I'm gonna be the fat girl that knows how to live a good life and won't let her weight get in the way of living and doing.
But I will tell you one thing world, people will talk, can talk, and are probably talking right now, but at least I'll be one fat girl they'll remember. I'll be the fat girl that was actually doing something with herself, dragging herself, pushing herself up a hiking trail, swimming in the sea like a whale, and jumping off the end of a bridge hoping and praying the rope won't snap! You'll defintely have something to say, but it will be memorable because I'm not going to sit around and have people conclude amongst themselves why I'm so big and how I got so fat. No way, I wont be that Fat Girl.
I'm not going to rely on others to do what I want to do because my others may not be in for the adventure. I'm not about to skip out on an adventure because someone else is afraid to do it. I won't let others hold me back from living my life.
It seems that being fat has drawn the line for what a person can and can not do. Yes world, I may be a fat girl, but at least I'm a happy fat girl that likes to be active regardless of my weight, size, and shape. I like to jump out of planes, swim in the sea, and hike through the beauty of nature in a forest so deep I can hardly breath. I may be gasping for air, fighting and bitching my way through but it's worth it and I can do it, I will do it. I wont conclude I can't before trying. I didn't and wont let my weight stop me from doing all these things and more. If my other friends chose not to take a chance and live a little, do something different, step out of the norm--shopping, shoes, "looking pretty" then fine, look pretty but I'm not about to stop living for them.
They can hate me if they want to, it's not me they hate in the end, it's my courage to superseed the barriers the world puts on me for being a fat girl. It's the fact that I chose to walk a different path, it's the courage they lack in having. The "I wish I can do that" instead of just DOING it--TRYING. That's what they hate, not me.
My life has taken new beginnings and they've started the day I got back from PR, actually they happeend on the fourth or fifth day of my trip. I'm happier than ever, and have looked at life with a more positive outcome. Being fat isn't going to draw a line for me. Being fat won't determine what I can or can not do or how active I will be. I won't be the fat girl who worries about what others think when I get in a wet suit, in a tiny canoe that looks like it will sink once I get in, or a paraglider that will plummet with all my weight or hold my toungue over dinner as if for some unknown reason I just got fat.
FUCK what the world thinks. Live life, JUST DO IT. And don't get your head so wrapped up around what others might think or say. The world will always have something to say about you, might as well give them something good to say, or bite their toungue over ill words.
So weather some chose to sit on the sidelines and witness life pass them by or live it, I'll be here to share mine.