About Me

Friday, April 22, 2011

Getting to Vegas

So the plan was to leave at 9am. It's now 10:52 and were just heading out to Manuel's house who lives 30 minutes south from where I live.

I picked up Jose and took him to my house from which he and I were picked up from. I've known Jose and Manuel for almost 8 years now. I met them back in school when I was 16 and we've all stayed in touch since we Meg up again about 2 years ago.

This is the first time I'm taking a trip with these two. Ive had drunken nights with them both but that's something else considering we all knew each other and I was In my comfort zone.

This weekend However is different! I'm currently riding down south 101 with 3 strangers and it feels awkward. I'm riding with Manuel's gf, gf's sister n brother, Jose n myself. I'm listening to "All of the lights" And that's exactly what I want to happen. Turn off all the lights and be in a dark quiet room. I'm nervous, scared, and anxious all at once. Once we get to Manuel's house well be switching up cars and I'm dreading where I'll be an who I'll be riding with. I'm hoping I could ride with Manuel and Jose both because I'd be the mist comfortable but well see what happens.

Right now I want to quit. I want to turn around and go back and be in the comfort of my house but I have to go through with this. Im scared because it's different and because Im stepping into an unknown area and away from what I'm used to and what I can predict with happen.

I don't have none if that right now and it's quite scary but if I don't do this and take this chance then I'll never experience anything. I really want to have fun but I'm still scared.

I really don't know what to expect. I don't know how the rest of the crew is and how they will like me or how well get along! I really don't care what ppl think of me whether they like me or not but at least I have the option of removing myself or avoiding awkward situations-something I don't have this weekend.

let's just hope all my fear and anxiety is just that...anxiety. I'm gonna make the best of this trip. I'll be back later with n update!

Wish me luck!


Posted from my iPhone

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Adele-Rolling in the Deep

First and foremost, by far one of my favorite songs RIGHT NOW. The first time I heard this song about a week ago, instant chills ran up and down my arms, back, and had my hairs stand on end.  Adele's voice is amazing, beautiful, touching, and moving.

Second, it's one of those songs that touches home one way or another. How many of us have not felt exactly what she is siging? How many of us havn't been hurt before? Had another hold your heart and "play it to the beat"? How many of us don't get involved with someone who you think is gaurding your heart, only to find out you have been played with and never saw it coming? I know I have.

Here are some of my favorite quotes and why:

The scars of your love remind me of us

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless

I can't help feeling

We could have had it all

Do you all remember the PO? You know, the guy I talked so much about a few months ago? The guy I was so starstruck in a daze over? Well he's whom I think each time I hear this song.  The quote above explains why.  I feel scarred and I will probably forever remain scarred by the PO because till this day I have yet to meet him and with time I somehow began to love him and somehow I still do today. I've tried countless times pushing him away, distancing myself and avoiding all communication but find it impossible to do so and so we remain.   I've been taken away by him and his personality and how well he's gotten to know me and my personality despite not physically knowing me, as I him.  And like Adele sings away in her song, "I can't help feeling we could have had it all". Today, I dont know how I feel, I guess I'm just happy  he's back in my life and we're friends and my expectations from him are no longer the same.  I rather keep him as a friend, than not at all.

You had my heart inside of your hand

And you played it to the beat
The PO knew I cared because I would tell him so and because it was obvious.  I was starting to feel like a girl in high school with a first time crush and he was well aware of it too.  He said he was falling for me, big mistake.  I know today he has love for me because he genuinely knows me, maybe more than I know myself and that's kind of scary.  Understandably we didn't meet for a number of reasons, but he kept leading me on to beelive otherwise hence played my heart to the beat. One day I had enough and had to really evaluate the situation and reiterate my feelings.

After two long months, I can say I'm good! I'm glad we're talking again, but my perspective has changed and I'm not caught up in the fairytale anymore and Adele's song doesn't hurt me as it would have had I heard it a month and a half ago.  It just touches me and makes me want to sing it out loud from the bottom of my soul!  I can feel her emotion through her song, a song sung from experience that will be heard and sung by many women across the country I'm sure.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Booty turned Boyfriend!?

You know the saying "men have needs?" well, women have needs too.  I've been single for almost 2 years now and have no interest in getting into a relationship.  I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 3 years in September of 09 and I've been happy ever since.  I've been in relationships most of my life, my frist boyfriend was from 14-17 1/2 my 2nd from 18 to 20 and my last from 20 to 23 and I've been good since.  I've been doing me and nothing less.


Just like men have their needs, so do women.  Some women are quite promiscuous, no shame in their game, and more power to the woman who does whas she pleases, as she pleases, and with who as long as she is safe. In the end, it's that woman sleeping around, so it shouldn't affect anyone so no need for judgement.
Me on the other hand, I met this guy Tony, only a month after my breakup with Roger in October of 09.  You can learn more about that encounter here.  Ever since I met Tony, he's been a friend, a lover, and a little more.  After Tony and I hooked up for the first time, we both set our cards on the table.  Neither one wanted a relationship or the drama that came along with one. Neither one of us wanted to get emotionally attached to the other. We agreed our relationship would be nothing more than friends with benefits.

I've been hooking up with Tony for almost a year and a half and it's been great, however suddenly he flipped the tables on me and I really don't know what to make of it. 

Tony and I have had issues, sometimes he wants to see me and sometimes I just don't.   Even thogh we're friends with benefits, I still see our encounters as "sexual" only.  Tony and I do go out for walks, dinner, and a movie every now and then but I try to avoid all that to avoid emotional attachment.   I have to admit our "relationship" in the beginning was a lot better than it is today, but like any relationship I've had in the past...I begin to drift and lose interest.  Tony noticed that and he always made it a point to bring it up, but this time he came at me from left field and now I'm wondering if I've suddenly merged into an offical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

It all started a few days ago when Tony raised some concern about our "relationship" over a text message...

Tony / Me
So I feel like quite the "guy" in the relationship. You know that kinda guy that just wants to hook up and avoid the funny feelings?? yup. That's me in this "relationship" and I'm constantly put on the hot seat as if I'm just "using" the other. As if! Men. Who understands them.

Tony feels like I've changed and don't really like him or want to see him anymore. That is not the case. I've been simply consumed with work and school and I get tired! Aside from that, I don't live alone anymore and even though I'm still independant, I have my mother living with me and I owe her a lot of respect and I'd never bring a guy home while living under the same roof. I just can't do it.
He said I was the last girl he's been with since we've met (a  year and a half now) but I don't beleive. I mean...if I am or not...what's it to me? He seem's to think I'm really concerned about this.

I remind Tony that this is not a relationship and he's free to do as he pleases because I'm not his woman, his girlfriend, or anyone he owes explanations to and that's when he hits me from left field with he "wants to be" in a relationship.

I'm seriously tripping out right now.
Yes, Tony was quite the promiscuous fellow, and I don't blame him. The man's HOT and well aware of it too.  He's shared most of his sexual stories and encounters with me and I appreciate him more for being so open about his sexual life with  me. In return, I've shared mine with him.
Now about the job thing...and before you start imagining this must be some good looking loser with no job or future, you're wrong. Tony is currently working on his 2nd bachelor's degree and is quite the educated guy but like many college graduates, landing a job within your career field isn't always easy and Tony's an example. I've tried helping him find jobs, sent resume's for him, and even set up interviews for him so I know the man isn't some lazy bum.  I don't date losers with no jobs or future. I know what I want and it's not a guy who's gonna drag me down with him, expect me to support him or take care of him. No thanks. I want a man that's going to walk with me, motivate me, and move forward with me, not drag me down or hold me back and Tony knows this.
About my "negativity"...
Tony is Afghan, therefore being the oldest son, his family would prefer he marry muslim.  I'm not muslim.  Sure, who's talking about marriage right...but why get into a relationship if you know it has no future, no potential, and that it's not going anywhere? My point. exactly.
So I agreed and went against my own contradiction and said I'd be willing to try this new path our "relationship" is about to take.  I really don't feel like we're in a relationship though.  I think and feel everything is the same but our relationship has an official title now.

Tony wants us to date more and do more things that couples do together (outside the bedroom) lol so I figured I would be open minded and try it. I mean, what do I have to lose? He already got me in the sack lol

The good thing about Tony and I is we live 20 minutes apart and he understands that I work and go to school and with him working on his 2nd degree, his evenings are consumed with school work as well and therefore our contact is limited which is good because I really don't have the time for a full time boyfriend who wants to talk, text, see you 24/7.  I already enjoy his company, the sex is great (TMI I know), but I'm really still tripping on this whole bootycall turned boyfriend deal.

Ironic isn't it?

Him: "hey, hi...wanna have sex?"
Her: "hi...um, sure!"
Him"just sex, no strings attached, don't want a relationship"
Her: "great! neither do I"
Them: "Great!"

a year and a half later...

Him: "well you know, why don't we try to do something other than sex"
Her: "um...okay, sure why not?"

Who does that? lol
I guess this begins a new chapter on my life, we'll see where it goes.
To be Continued

Monday, April 11, 2011

San Francisco Sunday

Sunday Liz and I went up to San Francisco. We were supposed to go to the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival but we just ended up walking around and sight seeing.  We took the train to avoid a long drive and having to spend a fortune on gas. We walked around a lot and enjoyed the day. 

Looks like we'll be visiting Frisco more often.  Here are a few pictures of my day.

We went to The Palace of Fine Arts just outside the Exploratorium and took some pictures there. The Palace is grand! It's full of beauty and wonder and makes you feel so small.  The environment is beautiful, the scenery is amazing and the sights are just as beautiful.  Swans were laying around, resting, and withing reaching distance lounging and sunbathing.

People were ball room dancing and it was amazing. Couples looked so in love and the energy and vibe of the environment felt wonderful.

After leaving the park, we roamed around Chinatown.

And finally, we took a walk through AT&T park, home to the SF Giants.  It was amazing. You can never get tired of walking around SF because you are distracted by all the beauty that surrounds you. Walking in SF is probably the easiest form of excericse and probably the least boring way to get a nice workout.

I'm looking forward to more days in San Francisco. Next time, Liz and I agreed that bringing a backpack was more convenient. I brought along an extra pair of tennis shoes incase I got tired of wearing my boots but that didn't happen.  Next time I also want to bring my roller blades so I can ride along the streets and enjoy the breeze and kick up the workout.

Thanks for reading, Hope you enjoyed the post.