About Me

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Follow Your Dreams

So easy to say, yet difficult to accomplish. 

I am working nine to five at a winery and for an employer I am no longer happy in.  If I could, I'd quit and be in school full time.  I have been here for three and a half years and I am fed up.  I am fed up of coming to work and having nothing to do, no challenges, no inspiration, no work.  Sure, to many this would seem like the ideal job. Come to work and get paid to do nothing.  It's nice from time to time but like everything, in due time it gets old.

I have been searching and looking for other opportunities and the economy is bad.  I hesitate about applying in other places because I know I will be taking a serious pay cut but now I'm really considering it.  I rather get paid less and do something I love or at least enjoy than get paid bick bucks to do something or nothing at all that interests me.

I dont even like wine for god's sake.

I feel like an outkast sometimes.  I'm here working amongst poeple I have no common interests with.  Everyone around here always talks about golfing and drinking wine. I rather talk about tequila shots and the Lakers.

I'm the youngest adult in the building, I've been casted off to a little corner office and I feel isolated from humanity. I'm so glad school has started  because I get more interaction with people. This really really sucks and I'm tired. I'm tired of being a duck sitting in water. I need to find a new job even if it means getting paid a lot less. I figure I rather find something local, maybe get paid less but avoid spending as much on gas which could even things out.

Then again I worry.

I worry because my mother is older now and having her live with  me is awesome. It's been a great help to both of us when it comes to saving money and sharing bills. I worry because she's just turned 59 and she's tired. I'm tired for her.  I'm tired of seeing her work and work and work. She doesn't need to be working anymore.  She's also up for surgery again. Two surgeries.  I'm actually taking her to the Dr today. I'm going to try and convince him to disable her permanently. She doesn't need to be working anymore, it's time she just relax. She's worked enough.

I worry because this job pays so well and I have been sticking it through for that reason. Now that my mother is home and we share bills I figure I could possibly get a part time job and do more full time education to finish faster but my worry is not making enough to care for the two of us.  Right now I can support her and I off my salary but if I chose to leave and take a pay cut I worry we won't cut it and that's when I'm stuck between the wall and a blade.

I have given up so much and I dont want to be miserable and regret things later in life.  Sure I'm happy, but I'm not completely happy and this job is making me miserable.  Sometimes I wish they'd fire me. I ask myself why I even come to work if I dont do much around here.  Last week we were told there were some facilities being shut down and one facility downsized their staff by half.  I was hoping they'd do some restructuring here and even eliminate my position so I can get unemployment and go to school.

I have been working since I was fourteen years old and the I only used unemployment for a week when I was 18 because I found a job in a heartbeat. Since then I have been employed and now with the economy the way it is and the lack of jobs I figure why not just get unemployment, find a part time job, and go to school full time.  If only things were as easy.  I dont want to get fired because I dont want to ever say that on an application, plus it's just not the way to leave a company. I dont want to be remembered as a girl that was fired.

I'm just venting, throwing a rant. I don't know what will happen, but right now I'm going to do some job hunting. I'm not one to settle, but I've already spent 3 years settled at this place, I'm sure I can settle for something better than this and that will make me happy and with a little more challege.  Maybe this job is the reason for so much stress and procrastination. I dont have the energy to do anything because I dont do much as it is at work and all t hat is taken home with me. I don't need this anymore. I'd quit right now if I could, but I can't. I'm not financially stable and I need a job to survive unlike others who solely rely on their parents or have their full parents support. My mother supports my decisions, but I'm not about to rely on her paycheck, we'd  be screwed specially if she's disabled which I'm hoping for because she sholdn't be working anymore.

So you see, I have so many goals and aspirations I want to accomplish and so many dreams to follow, yet I'm stuck in a rut because I have obligations to meet. It's so easy to say follow your dreams until you are forced to do otherwise because of one reason or another. Needless to say, I'm still following them and I'll be chasing them for god knows how long but I'll catch them eventually, that I guarantee.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Wishlist-Hips & Curves

I promise to buy myself one of these items this year! If I'm lucky I'll have two by the end of the year.  I am a fan of lingerie, bustiers and corsets. I love wearing them for myself. I feel so damn sexy and empowering. Funny thing is I dont like wearing them in front of the fellas. When my ex and I lived together he'd ask me to wear them for him and I never would. Instead I'd take pictures in them and send them to him as a way to keep things enticing.

Today, I feel a lot more comfortable with my sexuality, my body, and my comfort zone has broadened. I've stepped out the box a lot more this past year and will continue to do so.

I also want to buy some of these corsets because I have a photoshoot I want to do around them and so many creative ideas. Like I said, one of the main reasons I love lingerie is because of the feeling of empowerment I get from wearing it. It feels amazing to be in control of my own body, my own sexuality, being a woman never felt so good <3.

Anyway...off my tangent...here are the corsets I have been eyeballing for the past year and a half with some new styles added. I must get my hands on one of these before the end of the year!
Valentina Steel Boned Underbust

Marquessa Steel Boned Silk Corset

Seraphina Steel Boned Silk Corset
Daisy Embroidered Basque
Baronessa Steel Boned Silk Corset

Bellatrix Steel Boned Leather Corset
 One of my favorites is the Seraphina Corset. This can be used as a sexy top for a night out--At least I know I'd wear it! The Bellatrix is another favorite. It's for all the naughty girls out there, and even if you ain't naughty, this corset screams Naughty and very Mis Behaved :). I beleive everyone has a little naughty side screaming to get out, wewather you are timid, or afraid to let it out, I know it's in there somewhere and with one of these on it's surly to come out.

I hesitate so much because they are so pricy! I've found the most affordable corsets at Hips & Curves. I have so many ideas wrapped around these corsets it drives me crazy! I have made my mind up and will defintely get my hands on one of these babies soon and when I do, I will do a creative photoshoot wearing them and it will be hot! (and tasteful).

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Baguette Me Not - O.P.I

Hey there,

Thought I'd share one of my favorite polishes called Baguette Me Not by O.P.I. It's a beautiful color I find useful anytime of the year. It's a beautiful rosy-salmon-coral colored matte shade.

I took these about two weeks ago when my nails were a bit longer. I chopped them off earlier this week to start fresh and care for them better. I'll be wearing a new color next week so I'll do another post soon. 

Club Night

I went out with my girls Saturday night.  I wore a top I bought on my 22nd B-day and since then had yet to wear it again.  I don't know why I took so long to wear it again considering it's such a beautiful top.  I wore it with some blue denim leggings and some black peep toe slingback heels and went with a smokey  eye with a touch of blue to match my earrings and blue denim leggings.

By the time I got home I was pretty hungover and couldn't take a picture of my complete outfit but here are a few other pictures I'd like to share of my makeup and part of my outfit and of course fun times with my girls.

I had a great time. Liz-o flaked on us to spend time with her boy toy so she missed out on a night of fun, but I'm sure she had some fun of her own :). I'll be starting the Spring semester tomorrow and told my mom I wouldn't be going out for a few weeks until I figured out a schedule for homework and what not. I have been going out non-stop the past month and I need a break!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Overseas Haul

I've been browsing Yours Clothing for quite some time now and I finally decided to make a purchase after reading a lot of positive reviews on their site.  Their sizing is different from the US so I was glad I knew what my measurements were before placing my order. I didn't want to order too much for that same reason so I only ordered two items.  I was online at Torrid going through their clerance sale and I was about to make a purchase when I decided to browse for other stuff online.  I now feel kind of guilty because I could have purchased five or six items from Torrid for the price I paid for the two from Yours.  Either way, I felt I needed to get it over with and place an order just so I know for myself how they work. 

Within about a minute of placing my order online, I get a call from Chase Fraud Prevention services. They wanted to verify I had placed an order from overseas. I thought that was pretty awesome!

Anyway...I hope this whole purchase was worth it! Depending on how my experience goes will determine if I"ll buy from Yours again since shipping is what bumped up my total cost.

Here are the two items I purchased...I really really hope they fit because I can't wait to rock these two items!

Black Puff Sleeve Velvet Tunic

Black Beaded Neckline Jumpsuit

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Feeling the Blues

I was having one of those days where you just don't feel like smiling because you feel nothing is worth smiling about. Obviously, there are many things worth smiling about...I was just having one of those days. I feel like I've had this little cloud hovering over me the past couple of weeks and it's just been raining on me nonstop.

I have been feeling a little better, sometimes it's a matter of really saying FUCK IT. 

I did that this Friday when I said I needed to stop being EMO and start being myself again! I needed to get out, distract myself, dance, listen to music, party & bullshit and what better than to do so with my favorite girls in the world! I had a great time and I'm so happy I got out and enjoyed myself, stress and worry free!

I am so blessed to have these two girls in my life! I have known them for eight years now and I'm glad we continue building memories and pick up where we leave off each time. I love my girls!


Thursday, January 13, 2011

What's In My Purse-You'd Be Surprised

I really have no business overflowing my purse like this! But at least I use my purse to it's full capacity! I dont always carry the same stuff in it either it all changes day to day.

One of my viewers on YouTube suggested I do a "What's in Your Purse" video, so I figured I'd jumpstart and do a blog post as well.

I carry my journal so I can write randomly about feelings, ideas, or just anything that comes to mind. I also use it to add clippings from magazines, news papers, or places I plan to visit during the year so it's convenient for me to carry with with me at all times.
I carry An Old Friend From Far Away because it gives me ideas on what to write about and helps refresh my memory and bring back old memoriess. I havn't been posting my entries on Blogger, but I'm using this book to write a memoir and keep all entries saved on my laptop.
The Daily Writer too, gives me ideas on what to write. These entries will be seen on Blogger as well.  I like skimming the pages to gather more ideas and become inspired.
I'm taking an English 1-B online class for the intersession before Spring and we have TONS and TONS of work to do each week. I keep my planner handy to keep track of my assignments, things to do, and important events.
& Of course, being that I enjoy writing so much, The Pocket Wadsworth handbook comes in handy for a lot of reasons! Gramma, punctuation, styling, MLA formats...the list goes on.
I have these gloves I got for X-mas from Lizo. I like these because the fingers are uncovered making it easy to grasp things when I need to and can simply undo the mitten end and cover my fingers when need be.
I carry these two items which I too got for Xmas from Audrey. The lotion is great to keep my hands moisturized and the body spray is great too when I want to feel a little refreshed. (I now left these in my desk at work).
Don't ask me why I have two different polishes in my purse! I originally had the OPI nail polish in my purse incase I had any chipped nails I could easily touch them up. This week I decided to color them with China Glaze and therefore ended up with two different colors. These are now back home where they belong.
My makeup bag of course!
Hand sanitizer I got from Crystal in a giveaway I won! Smells great and keeps my hands nice and clean!
MI Paste I use when I add my invisalign trays! Helps fight cavities! And my Crest Weekly Clean paste I now transferred over to my desk along with my other toothbrush and paste to wash teeth after eating.
FLOSS! I hate getting things stuck inbetween my teeth so Floss is a MUST-Have!
A bookmark with no Book! This was at the bottom of my purse! No wonder I coulnd't find it!! Cute isn't it :)
Cash! I'm surprised to find cash at the bottom of my purse as I never carry cash on me. It's always plastic. I need to make a habit of carrying cash with me more often.
I got this top coat from Grace in a goodiebag she gave me. I have to say I love this stuff!! It's by Jafra and I love how it works. I think this is one of the best top coats I've tried.  Again, I had this in my purse so I can easily touch up nails when need be. This too, is back on the shelf where it belongs :)
Bunch of cards! I was cleaning out my wallet which I got tired of using and needed to run out so I just threw any cards into my purse and here's what they are.
I drafted this on Monday and that's what I had at the time. Today, it's not as packed and has different things in it! I love my purse though!! It's one of my favorites in a long time.

What do you carry in your purse?

Monday, January 10, 2011

My Weekend In 100 Words!

  1. Wreckless
  2. Crazy
  3. Spontaneous
  4. Sober
  5. Interesting
  6. Different
  7. Extreme
  8. New
  9. Sublime
  10. Dangerous
  11. Liberating
  12. Vague
  13. Wild
  14. Music
  15. Dancing
  16. Drinks
  17. Drugs
  18. Fire
  19. Risky
  20. Strange
  21. Erotic
  22. Indecisive
  23. Sexy
  24. Illegal
  25. Elevated
  26. Strangers
  27. Club
  28. Highway
  29. Speeding
  30. Trance
  31. Glee
  32. Suspense
  33. Fear
  34. Violent
  35. Uncomfortable
  36. Inviting
  37. Outkast
  38. Pleading
  39. Embarrassing
  40. Refreshing
  41. Confined
  42. Tamales
  43. Warm
  44. Cozy
  45. Dark
  46. Submissive
  47. Enticing
  48. Animated
  49. Lethargic
  50. Mellow
  51. Traverse
  52. Freestyle
  53. Delirious
  54. Passionate
  55. Forced
  56. Adapt
  57. Confusing
  58. Stressful
  59. Edgy
  60. Anticipating
  61. Diffucult
  62. Contradicting
  63. Labyrinth
  64. Dorms
  65. Berserk!
  66. Demented
  67. Paranoia
  68. Free
  69. Gloomy
  70. Intoxicating
  71. Euphoria
  72. Madness
  73. Dramatic
  74. Depressing
  75. Escaping
  76. Unrestrained
  77. Memorable
  78. Unforgettable
  79. Jeaopardising
  80. Perilous
  81. Lost
  82. Stupid
  83. Unsafe
  84. Oldies
  85. Singing
  86. Delighful
  87. Chilis
  88. Facebook
  89. Citiville
  90. Homework
  91. Quiz
  92. Reconciled
  93. Fashionable
  94. Unique
  95. Unusual
  96. Inexperienced
  97. Raw
  98. Ignorant
  99. Foolish
  100. Alive

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dinner at Chilis

Hola Everyone! Happy Friday!

I had dinner with my old supervisor Margarita at Chilis last night. I hadn't seen her in a long time and I was so happy to see her and catch up.  She was telling me all about her love life and how wonderful it's been. I'm truly happy for her and a bit jealous (in a good way of course) can't help but want something like it for yourself :) (unless you're married and have it all that is).

This was the outfit I wore for the evening. 

Leather Jacket by a.n.a (a new approach) from JCP
Black & White Striped Top from Torrid
Black Skinny Jeans
Burgundy Satin/Velvet Flats by Newport News found @Ross
Scarf purchased @Ross
Watch - NY&Co.

I kept makeup simple and neutral for the most part and a I'm wearing my new favorite lip balm on my lips and a watch I purchased at NY&Co. I got so many wonderful compliments from Margarita! She said she LOVED the watch and how beautiful light sparkles right off it. She was in awe when she learned I only got it for 11 bucks!

I feel like getting dolled up, wearing a dress and hitting the club tonight but don't know what I'll do! We'll have to wait and see. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!