Wow, as if I'm supposed to feel proud of myself. I did it. I finally did it. Well...not all the way but I met him. I wasn't sure if this was going to happen. On my way to the spot I kept repeating to myself that he wasn't goign to be there. I said to myself, if he's not there this is it. No more tries, nothing. But he was there. I can't tell you exactly how I felt when I arrived. Now as I sit here typing I just can't seem to wipe this smile off my face.
I dont know what it is about him, but being around him just makes me weak. I enjoy being with him. I love his touch. His lips are my favorite and the look in his eyes. I missed his sexual touch.
Although I do have to say this time was a little different. I remember a few years ago I felt all sorts of things and this time it was more about the moment. I guess because then, I was kinda sprung on his ass and today it's more like...I know he wants that from me, and that only, and well, I'm in a relationship, one that I'm not happy in but I'm in it. I feel that if i keep this up, I will start getting emotional again and then shit is gonna hit the fan and I'm going to have to end it for sure with Roger.
The whole drive to the spot was me thinking about will it happen, what will it be like? and will I feel guilty afterwards. At this moment I feel perfectly fine the only thing is that I dont want to see Roger. I dont want to kiss him, I dont want him to touch me because I dont desire it. Ugh. this is so frustrating. I guess now, the only thing to do is wait and see what it's like meeting Roger again. I can already see myself being a bitch and telling him or avoiding his touch.