Not Feeling Upto Much



I hate to say this but ever since I found out I am pregnant my self esteem and my energy took a plummet.  I do not have the energy to do anything or go anywhere.  There are days where I do not want to get out of bed and there are days when all I want to do is lay in bed and watch TV.  I feel so miserable and not up for anything.

I ended up dropping out of one of my classes this semester. And I have a paper due on Wednesday and an exam too.  None of which I am prepared for or have ready.  I don't even have the will to get them started.  I'm barely managing to write this blog because I'm so tired and would rather be sleeping.

So far there is nothing to like or be happy about my pregnancy.  There are days when I am happy and there are other days where I am feeling like today.  I'm overweight, pregnant, and will only keep blowing up.  This is terrible. 

I'm about 10 weeks pregnant now, and until today I really have no idea what morning sickness is really about.  Just this morning I was feeling a little nauseas while making breakfast. I had a sensation of wanting to throw up but then not really.  I hate throwing up!

My feet hurt all the time.  I bought a brand new pair of sheos this weekend and I want to return them now because they just make my feet hurt even more and they're supposed to be "comfort shoes".  I bought another pair of Puma's last night and I'm wanting to return those too because they're a 1/2 size too big and they are starting to hurt as well.

I'm debating on when I should tell upper management about my pregnancy because I'm afraid they'll cast judgement over me and that their behavior towards me will change.  I feel stressed.  I'm not feeling happy.

Unexpectedly Expecting

So much for Birth control...

I was on the Ring when suddenly my period didnt show up as expected after the removal of my ring.  I paid no mind to it and figured it was just something new.  I didn't find anything different in my body until I had a dream one night of a baby girl running through the hall of our apartment and meeting her daddy at the end who received her in open arms and carried her up high in the air. I found the dream extremely out there as I for one, never imagined myself a mother and never once had the desire to even have children of my own.  The a few nights later on my way to schoo from home I notice my nails are rather long and extremely strong. I found that quite odd because I hadn't been taking care of them and had such a hard time getting them to grow again.  That's when it hit me.  I began suspecting I was pregnant and the next morning I took an at home pregnancy test. 

It was around 7:30am when I took the test and saw vertical lines quickly emerge through the screen.  I couldn't beleive it.  I was pregnant.  Instantly I began to cry and felt my life was over.  How could this be? How could I be pregnant! I felt selfish.  I felt selfish at the idea that I was pregnant and was dreading over how my life was going to change and the responsibility I was NOT ready for. A responsibility and life changing event that I was defintely NOT planning toward or expecting.  I felt my life was a disaster and everything went down the drain. 

On my way to work I was tormenting myself on how selfish I had become and how ungrateful I was toward the idea of becoming a mom.  Surely, this pregnancy was not planned and I was not ready by any means but who ever really is ready to become a mother. No matter how much planning may go into a pregnancy, nobody truly ever is ready to become a mother for the first time.  I began to think how ungrateful I was being because of the many people who wish and desire to bear children and find it impossible to do so.  Ungrateful because I was receiving a blessing that many women can't bear have or hold or keep for one reason or another. 

After a day of silence I broke the news to my boyfriend Victor.  He was extremely happy and excited but feard that I would not want to keep this baby because I was not the "motherly type".  I felt guilty.  I didn't have thoughts of abortion but I sure was not happy at thet time I found out.  Victors reaction to the news made me feel a lot more comfortable and ready to take on this new journey because I would not be alone.   I grew up without a father and one thing I didn't want and don't wish is to raise a child without a father.  Mind you, I would if I had but my ideal behind motherhood so far is turning out the way I dreamed.  I have my boyfriends full support and he is currently more happy than I am.  I am slowly getting used to the idea of having a bun in the oven and the idea of watching it rise over time but he is extremely excited and happy. 

Breaking the news to my mom was my first priority.  Victor and I went to Target and bought some baby booties and wrapped them up in a gift and presented it to my mother.  It was funny and beautiful and exhilarating for me opening up to her about my pregnancy.  She was in her room watching novelas when I walked in and said I had a gift for her I didn't know how she would receive.  She responded by saying "Si es chocolate no lo quiero" ("if it's chocolate I dont want it!") I laughed and sat next to her and gave her her present.  She began inspecting it and then reached in and took out the tissue paper covered booties and felt them around until she said "shoes?" and I began tearing up and then she screamed "Baby SHOES, you're pregnant!" and I began Balling. She then said "You're pregnant" and I nodded and she let out a gippy "wooooo hooooooo!" to which I completely broke down in tears. It was beautiful and I still get teary eyed just remembering.  She truly was happy and I guess I was nervous  because I didn't know how she would take it.  I know I shouldn't have been nervous as she's been asking me for some time when I would give her a nephew. She told me not to be nervous that she would take care of me and help me with the baby and offer any advice and that I had nothing to worry about. She is extremely excited.

After breaking the news to my mom I slowly broke the news to my brothers and sisters. One by one, I let them know and finally decided to announce it on FB after notifying my immediate family of the news.  Everyone seems to be extrememly excited except me.

My doctor said it was normal for me not to be ecstatic about it as it was not planned nor was I one to ever have the idea of motherhood last more than a pair of seconds but that it will gradually change over time and I would become more accepting of it.  Today I feel a lot more confident about this baby than I did when I found out 2 weeks ago on Wednesday, November 9th.

My doctor gave me a due date of July 5th.  But my mom says it's more like July 1st lol. We shall see what this pregnancy journey is all about

The Rainbow at the End of a Storm

2 Months! It's been two months since my last post and have I been on and off one of the craziest rides in my life.  On August 31st I was robbed! My laptop stolen along with my college books and I felt as though my life was ripped from me.  I was super bummed.

My niece and nephew have been living with me since the beginning of August and it's been one hell of a ride.  My nice just turned 15 last Friday and I did her makeup! She looked like a princess and I took lots of pictures of her.

My nephew and niece have been really good and have been doing great in school. Maritza got 2 B's, 2A's, and a C. In my opinion thats excellent! She's to turn that C into a B by the end of her Freshman year.  She's in swimming and thespian club (Theatre), and Japan club which will take her to Japan by next Summer.

Juanito has been a little pulgita as my mom likes to call him (Flea). He's a little monkey in my eyes but he's doing very good as well.  He clearly understands English but his trouble comes when he has to speak and write it as he didn't practice it in Mexico but watching nothing but English cartoons hence why he lacks reading/literary comprehension.  He's been reading (not by choice) as I have to practically force him to sit down and read for about 30 minutes a day. He's truly a bright kid it's just getting him to sit down and do the work is the trouble but he does it nonetheless.  Once he's doing his work he makes it a challenge which is great because he doesn't feel like it's a duty and gets into it trying to perfect his math skills or reading comprehension. 

As for me, I'm taking phychology of human relations, intermediate algebra, and English 2 this semester. I'm loving all my classes.  I really enjoy  my Phychology and English class the most, but can't complain much about math either. Mr. Sword is an amazing teacher with lots of patience. And patience is what I need!

My boyfriend and I have been doing amazing.  He bought me a new macbook last night because he wanted me to be happy again or at least a little less stressed.  He is so good to me; treats me like royalty. Nothing less than what I deserve.  Although I've got a replaced MacBook I will never get back all those treasures I had on my old one :( .  Now I know to get a tracking app on my new Mac and also a backup drive just incase.  I am now able to do notes on my laptop as opposed to doing them by hand which can take me forever and a day and I can get back to doing some blogging and video making.  I stopped making videos because I didn't have anything to dowlload the media into or anything to edit the movies in, so no point.

I'll also be having another blog sale or YT sale. I'm getting rid of all my shoes, boots, and clothes that I no longer fit into :(  I've gained all my weight back and then some but it's all good. I'm happy and that's what counts.  I keep telling myself I'll start eating healthy tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes and it says the same about the next day lol. I'm not going to start eating or losing weight until I'm completely ready so I can commit because this losing and gaining of 5-10 lbs here and there is not good for my body or me.

Anyway, that's it for now...I'll catch up later...

Red Roses

Hey World!

What do red roses symbolize for you? For most, red roses would symbolize love and affection. Although I must agree this is the generalized characterization for red roses, my experience with them hasn't been the same.  My experience with red roses hasn't been the best and that has tarnished the way I feel about receving them.

My boyfriend Victor and I went dancing this weekend and while out he wanted to buy me some red roses.  I asked him not to because they were unnecessary.  He couldn't comprehend why I felt this way.  I explained to him that I did not need roses as a symbol of his love for me because his actions already said so. I also told him I rather be surprised with roses and receive them when they come from the heart not because I'm trying to be convinced of something.

I know they say it's not good to compare one relationship to another, but I feel I must for the sake of this example.  My previous relationship Roger, only gave me roses after our relationship had withered.  In the the three and a half years we spent together, Roger never in the time we were together gave me roses.  When he gave me roses at the end of our relationship I admit that a slight grudge against roses grew inside of me and towards Roger.  To me, receiving roses from him after our relationship had crumbled only symbolized that he was trying to mask the troubles with this sign of love and affection as if receiving red roses would make all our troubles go away.  They did not. Those roses only became a reminder of why our relationship did not work.

When Victor and I were togehter 5 years ago, receiving roses was a whole different story.  Victor lavished me with them, and I knew they truly symbolized what he felt at the time.  Today I don't find it necessary for him spending up towards one hundred dollars for a dozen or two of roses.  I know that he loves me and that's all I need.  I don't need something material to characterize it for me because his actions truly say it all for me.

Even though I did not allow him to buy me roses that night, I knew his intentions were pure and it made me happy that he understood and accepted my reasoning and in return gave me a smile instead. 

Red roses truly are a symbol of love and romance, of devotion and care, but when you receive them under the wrong circumstances, it is easy to become dissillusioned with what they truly symbolize.

Have you ever receieved roses under the wrong circumstances?

Movie Night FOTD: Zookeeper

Face: UD Complexion Primer Potion (pore minimizing), MAC NC40 Studio Fix (very light application w/stippling brush) over MAC Studio Moisture Tint in Dark, and set with UD De-Slick Mattifying Powder

Eyes: Too Faced Shadow Insurance Primer, UD Midnight Cowboy Rides Again (lid), MAC Smulch & Coppertone (Crease), UD Oilslick (lower otter lid), UD Polyester Bride (Inner corner,tearduct), UD Zero Eyeliner (upper lid), Andrea Modlash #45 Falsies, Mary Kay Ultimate Mascara

Cheeks: Nars: La Dolce Vita & MAC Soft & Gentle MSF

Lips: MIB Lipliner in Red and This lip treatment I Love!

I went to the movies last night to watch Zookeeper with my little cousin Carlitos and Victor, my ex Victor from about five years ago, more on him later.  The movie was fun to watch with LOL moments and a very important universal theme that serves as a reminder for some of us and an eye opener for others.  It's defintely a fun movie to watch with the family or anyone that enjoys a good comedy.   I wasn't able to take any OOTD pictures but I managed to take a snapshot of my face with my phone and a few with my camera. Once I upload those onto my computer I'll udate the post with a more justifying picture of the makeup.

I'm looking forward to watching Captain America, Harry Potter which come out Next Friday. Another movie I'm eager to watch is Cowboys & Aliens only because I'm a fan of Daniel Craig's work and because he's a hottie. And the movie I'm most anticipated abotu watching which will be out in about three weeks on August 5th, Rise of the Planet of the Apes! That movie looks awesome. If you have yet to watch Planet of the Apes I suggest you watch it! It's awesome.

Any movies you've seen or planning to watch soon?

OOTD & Video Update

Hey World!!

Here's an outfit I wore last Friday! I was in the mood to take a picture and do a video since I had a lengthy weekend off away from school and work.  You may notice I've gained a few pounds! I still feel good though!! It's all going to my ass and damn back rolls! You know, those big lovely rolls I have so much love for! 

Anyway, Here's some pictures of my outfit. I went to the movies to watch Transformers:Dark of the Moon and I guess it was all right.  It felt weird not seeing Megan Fox in it, but she asked for it talking like that about her director!

The movie was all right, after a while I just became overwhelmed with all the action! 3 hours was a lot of time and a lot of action. I began to yawn towards the end, wondering how much longer till it ended. There were a few memorable and pretty funny moments, plus I admired the view! What's not to love about Shiah? He's hot!!

P.S. The video is being processed so once that's done, Ill post it here.
Hope everyone is having a great Summer!!

xoxo
Mayra

My hair in this picture reminds me of when Rihanna had her peacock hair going on! lol It look nice though!

Makeup Job - Smokey Purple

Hey world,

One of the things I do on call is makeup.  It's not my passion, nor a job, but it brings in extra income from time to time.  My co-workers wife wanted her makeup done the day they baptized their two boys and called upon me to get the job done.

I think she looked amazing and she has beautiful eyes!  I think I need to learn how to do hair and maybe add that on my list of services offered :)

Fragrance Collection

I was asked months ago to do a video on Youtube with my fragrance collection.  I do not have the time to do the video now (actually I'm just being lazy and procrastinating), but I'll probably get around to making one sometime over the weekend and maybe jump on the YT video making bandwagon again.  FOr now, I figured I'd share a picture of my current(as its constantly growing) collection as a sneak peak.

xoxo
Mayra

AWOL

Hey world,

I've been MIA for quite some time now.  My last post was sometime in April or May and we're just about halfways through June.  Time has been flying, where does it go??

I've been busy with life.  I've been going out, having fun, and concentrating on school.  I didn't do so good this last Spring semester but I'm looking forward to the Summer and Fall semesters coming up.  I can't beleive it's going to be my 2nd consecutive year in school without dropping out.  I've been in and out of college since 05.  I could have been done a long time ago but the job is getting done now and no regrets. 

I'll be turning a quarter century in 46 Days!

I'm trying to get in shape for my b-day.  Some of the things I'm doing are the Insanity workouts. OMG, they are kicking my ass and I'm doing a half ass job because I'm so out of shape it's impossible to do everything the way it should but I try.  I'm sweating bullets within 10 minutes and I'm doing some insane out of this world workouts I would never have done on my own.  The first week, (actually first 3 days) my body was sore all over.  Everything hurt.  It hurt to breathe, to walk, to sit on the toilet even, but it was that feel good pain.  The kind of pain you love to hate because you know it feels awful but it does you so good.

My first trip following my 25th b-day I'll be visiting Vegas again for a weekend.  I'll be celebrating in San Francisco along with friends as well the night of. I'm pretty excited and can't wait.  It's going by so quickly.  I just look forward to 30 and where I'll be then.  I've come a long ways till now, so I can only expect to move further and climb higher.

Since my last post, I've been to Vegas, been to my first Laker Game (which they lost), been to my 2nd Baseball game, been a strait up Video Geek playing non stop video games with my little cousin, bought my ass a bike to ride and get more outdoor fresh air and good healthy workout, signed up and paid for a scuba diving certification class that I will take this summer once this crazy weather straitens out and actually warms up, signed up and paid for kayak lessons, and been a lot more independant about getting out without feeling I need to have someone with me.

I've fallen behind on shopping, I feel like my wardrobe is way outdated but i'm in no rush of buying new clothes or shopping for shoes (heels). I've been going to the movies a lot...I've watched First Class, The New Pirates movie...and I been going to Dave and Busters quite a lot.

In regards to the love life...

The "Booty Turned Boyfriend" is a no more. I've cut that "relationship" loose a long time ago. I think that title just messed everything up for me when it was all fine in the beginning. Today he's no longer a booty, but just a friend and a friend I've preferred to keep distance from because quite frankly I'm over it.  Took me long enough...almost 2 years. Then I was talking to this other dude, but I was just not interested so that was a fail before anything even started lol. And then there's this other guy which I really love. He's awesome, fun, sweet, and down to earth, and cute :) BUT I'm just not that into him.

So yea...that's my life since my last post...

I started taking some vitamins I bought yesterday from Costco, called "hair, skin, & nails" we'll see what results those bring...and I def have a lot of plans for my b-day :) I'm talking about total makeover...a different look and a whole lot of change :) We'll see how that goes too

Till the next post...

Getting to Vegas

So the plan was to leave at 9am. It's now 10:52 and were just heading out to Manuel's house who lives 30 minutes south from where I live.

I picked up Jose and took him to my house from which he and I were picked up from. I've known Jose and Manuel for almost 8 years now. I met them back in school when I was 16 and we've all stayed in touch since we Meg up again about 2 years ago.

This is the first time I'm taking a trip with these two. Ive had drunken nights with them both but that's something else considering we all knew each other and I was In my comfort zone.

This weekend However is different! I'm currently riding down south 101 with 3 strangers and it feels awkward. I'm riding with Manuel's gf, gf's sister n brother, Jose n myself. I'm listening to "All of the lights" And that's exactly what I want to happen. Turn off all the lights and be in a dark quiet room. I'm nervous, scared, and anxious all at once. Once we get to Manuel's house well be switching up cars and I'm dreading where I'll be an who I'll be riding with. I'm hoping I could ride with Manuel and Jose both because I'd be the mist comfortable but well see what happens.

Right now I want to quit. I want to turn around and go back and be in the comfort of my house but I have to go through with this. Im scared because it's different and because Im stepping into an unknown area and away from what I'm used to and what I can predict with happen.

I don't have none if that right now and it's quite scary but if I don't do this and take this chance then I'll never experience anything. I really want to have fun but I'm still scared.

I really don't know what to expect. I don't know how the rest of the crew is and how they will like me or how well get along! I really don't care what ppl think of me whether they like me or not but at least I have the option of removing myself or avoiding awkward situations-something I don't have this weekend.

let's just hope all my fear and anxiety is just that...anxiety. I'm gonna make the best of this trip. I'll be back later with n update!

Wish me luck!

Xoxo
Mayra

Posted from my iPhone

Adele-Rolling in the Deep

First and foremost, by far one of my favorite songs RIGHT NOW. The first time I heard this song about a week ago, instant chills ran up and down my arms, back, and had my hairs stand on end.  Adele's voice is amazing, beautiful, touching, and moving.

Second, it's one of those songs that touches home one way or another. How many of us have not felt exactly what she is siging? How many of us havn't been hurt before? Had another hold your heart and "play it to the beat"? How many of us don't get involved with someone who you think is gaurding your heart, only to find out you have been played with and never saw it coming? I know I have.

Here are some of my favorite quotes and why:

The scars of your love remind me of us


They keep me thinking that we almost had it all


The scars of your love, they leave me breathless


I can't help feeling


We could have had it all

Do you all remember the PO? You know, the guy I talked so much about a few months ago? The guy I was so starstruck in a daze over? Well he's whom I think each time I hear this song.  The quote above explains why.  I feel scarred and I will probably forever remain scarred by the PO because till this day I have yet to meet him and with time I somehow began to love him and somehow I still do today. I've tried countless times pushing him away, distancing myself and avoiding all communication but find it impossible to do so and so we remain.   I've been taken away by him and his personality and how well he's gotten to know me and my personality despite not physically knowing me, as I him.  And like Adele sings away in her song, "I can't help feeling we could have had it all". Today, I dont know how I feel, I guess I'm just happy  he's back in my life and we're friends and my expectations from him are no longer the same.  I rather keep him as a friend, than not at all.

You had my heart inside of your hand


And you played it to the beat

The PO knew I cared because I would tell him so and because it was obvious.  I was starting to feel like a girl in high school with a first time crush and he was well aware of it too.  He said he was falling for me, big mistake.  I know today he has love for me because he genuinely knows me, maybe more than I know myself and that's kind of scary.  Understandably we didn't meet for a number of reasons, but he kept leading me on to beelive otherwise hence played my heart to the beat. One day I had enough and had to really evaluate the situation and reiterate my feelings.

After two long months, I can say I'm good! I'm glad we're talking again, but my perspective has changed and I'm not caught up in the fairytale anymore and Adele's song doesn't hurt me as it would have had I heard it a month and a half ago.  It just touches me and makes me want to sing it out loud from the bottom of my soul!  I can feel her emotion through her song, a song sung from experience that will be heard and sung by many women across the country I'm sure.

Booty turned Boyfriend!?

You know the saying "men have needs?" well, women have needs too.  I've been single for almost 2 years now and have no interest in getting into a relationship.  I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 3 years in September of 09 and I've been happy ever since.  I've been in relationships most of my life, my frist boyfriend was from 14-17 1/2 my 2nd from 18 to 20 and my last from 20 to 23 and I've been good since.  I've been doing me and nothing less.

However...

Just like men have their needs, so do women.  Some women are quite promiscuous, no shame in their game, and more power to the woman who does whas she pleases, as she pleases, and with who as long as she is safe. In the end, it's that woman sleeping around, so it shouldn't affect anyone so no need for judgement.

Me on the other hand, I met this guy Tony, only a month after my breakup with Roger in October of 09.  You can learn more about that encounter here.  Ever since I met Tony, he's been a friend, a lover, and a little more.  After Tony and I hooked up for the first time, we both set our cards on the table.  Neither one wanted a relationship or the drama that came along with one. Neither one of us wanted to get emotionally attached to the other. We agreed our relationship would be nothing more than friends with benefits.

I've been hooking up with Tony for almost a year and a half and it's been great, however suddenly he flipped the tables on me and I really don't know what to make of it. 

Tony and I have had issues, sometimes he wants to see me and sometimes I just don't.   Even thogh we're friends with benefits, I still see our encounters as "sexual" only.  Tony and I do go out for walks, dinner, and a movie every now and then but I try to avoid all that to avoid emotional attachment.   I have to admit our "relationship" in the beginning was a lot better than it is today, but like any relationship I've had in the past...I begin to drift and lose interest.  Tony noticed that and he always made it a point to bring it up, but this time he came at me from left field and now I'm wondering if I've suddenly merged into an offical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

It all started a few days ago when Tony raised some concern about our "relationship" over a text message...

Tony / Me

So I feel like quite the "guy" in the relationship. You know that kinda guy that just wants to hook up and avoid the funny feelings?? yup. That's me in this "relationship" and I'm constantly put on the hot seat as if I'm just "using" the other. As if! Men. Who understands them.

Tony feels like I've changed and don't really like him or want to see him anymore. That is not the case. I've been simply consumed with work and school and I get tired! Aside from that, I don't live alone anymore and even though I'm still independant, I have my mother living with me and I owe her a lot of respect and I'd never bring a guy home while living under the same roof. I just can't do it.

He said I was the last girl he's been with since we've met (a  year and a half now) but I don't beleive. I mean...if I am or not...what's it to me? He seem's to think I'm really concerned about this.

I remind Tony that this is not a relationship and he's free to do as he pleases because I'm not his woman, his girlfriend, or anyone he owes explanations to and that's when he hits me from left field with he "wants to be" in a relationship.

I'm seriously tripping out right now.

Yes, Tony was quite the promiscuous fellow, and I don't blame him. The man's HOT and well aware of it too.  He's shared most of his sexual stories and encounters with me and I appreciate him more for being so open about his sexual life with  me. In return, I've shared mine with him.

Now about the job thing...and before you start imagining this must be some good looking loser with no job or future, you're wrong. Tony is currently working on his 2nd bachelor's degree and is quite the educated guy but like many college graduates, landing a job within your career field isn't always easy and Tony's an example. I've tried helping him find jobs, sent resume's for him, and even set up interviews for him so I know the man isn't some lazy bum.  I don't date losers with no jobs or future. I know what I want and it's not a guy who's gonna drag me down with him, expect me to support him or take care of him. No thanks. I want a man that's going to walk with me, motivate me, and move forward with me, not drag me down or hold me back and Tony knows this.

About my "negativity"...

Tony is Afghan, therefore being the oldest son, his family would prefer he marry muslim.  I'm not muslim.  Sure, who's talking about marriage right...but why get into a relationship if you know it has no future, no potential, and that it's not going anywhere? My point. exactly.

So I agreed and went against my own contradiction and said I'd be willing to try this new path our "relationship" is about to take.  I really don't feel like we're in a relationship though.  I think and feel everything is the same but our relationship has an official title now.

Tony wants us to date more and do more things that couples do together (outside the bedroom) lol so I figured I would be open minded and try it. I mean, what do I have to lose? He already got me in the sack lol

The good thing about Tony and I is we live 20 minutes apart and he understands that I work and go to school and with him working on his 2nd degree, his evenings are consumed with school work as well and therefore our contact is limited which is good because I really don't have the time for a full time boyfriend who wants to talk, text, see you 24/7.  I already enjoy his company, the sex is great (TMI I know), but I'm really still tripping on this whole bootycall turned boyfriend deal.

Ironic isn't it?

Him: "hey, hi...wanna have sex?"

Her: "hi...um, sure!"

Him"just sex, no strings attached, don't want a relationship"

Her: "great! neither do I"

Them: "Great!"

a year and a half later...

Him: "well you know, why don't we try to do something other than sex"

Her: "um...okay, sure why not?"

Who does that? lol

I guess this begins a new chapter on my life, we'll see where it goes.

To be Continued

San Francisco Sunday

Sunday Liz and I went up to San Francisco. We were supposed to go to the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival but we just ended up walking around and sight seeing.  We took the train to avoid a long drive and having to spend a fortune on gas. We walked around a lot and enjoyed the day. 

Looks like we'll be visiting Frisco more often.  Here are a few pictures of my day.





We went to The Palace of Fine Arts just outside the Exploratorium and took some pictures there. The Palace is grand! It's full of beauty and wonder and makes you feel so small.  The environment is beautiful, the scenery is amazing and the sights are just as beautiful.  Swans were laying around, resting, and withing reaching distance lounging and sunbathing.

People were ball room dancing and it was amazing. Couples looked so in love and the energy and vibe of the environment felt wonderful.

After leaving the park, we roamed around Chinatown.

And finally, we took a walk through AT&T park, home to the SF Giants.  It was amazing. You can never get tired of walking around SF because you are distracted by all the beauty that surrounds you. Walking in SF is probably the easiest form of excericse and probably the least boring way to get a nice workout.

I'm looking forward to more days in San Francisco. Next time, Liz and I agreed that bringing a backpack was more convenient. I brought along an extra pair of tennis shoes incase I got tired of wearing my boots but that didn't happen.  Next time I also want to bring my roller blades so I can ride along the streets and enjoy the breeze and kick up the workout.

Thanks for reading, Hope you enjoyed the post.

xoxo
Mayra

New Beginnings

Hello world!

So it's been a long while since my last post. I've been to and back from my trip to Puerto Rico and my life has changed with great immensity. Perhaps not my life per-se, but my view and outlook on life as a whole and I owe it all to Puerto Rico.  I spent 7 days on that little island in the carribean and I plan to write a narrative novel  based on the events and people that took place over the course of seven days. I'm sure you will enjoy every bit of DRAMA that occurred, as I owe my new beginnings to her.

My perspective on life is a complete "180".  My trip exposed me to things I wasn't aware of. I saw a reflection of my character in another being and since that day all I have to say is I don't want my life to consist of shopping, and shoes and makeup and clothes and drinking and parties and clubs and alcohol and men that have no absolute interest in me at all. EPIPHANY. All this, a mere gateway drug hiding what lurked underneath. Fear and unhapiness.

Sure, shopping is fun and makes us all quite happy but there is so much more to life than partying, drinking, and shopping.  I will not carry on waking up hours before dawn just to spend another 4 hours getting ready, doing makeup, hair, prepping outfits, only to be out and about for an hour, not living life but letting it pass me by as I stare back in a mirror while I gloss my lips and mask my eyes or stare out the window and watch life happen.

I'm not going to stand on the sidelines and SEE life go by, I'm going to LIVE LIFE, and let those who chose not to live life, watch me come alive, watch me live-Me

No more spending two to three hundred dollars every other week on clothes and materialistic bullshit that will just go out of season within the next few months. Instead, I'm using that money towards a better purpose, travel, outdoors, adventure, and excitement--things that are defintely worth living for and spending money on. Experiences that will live with you forever, and not a season.

I won't be that Fat Girl that only knows how to look pretty, dress cute, and only knows how to WISH she was smaller, healthier, more active even. No, I'm gonna be the fat girl that knows how to live a good life and won't let her weight get in the way of living and doing. 

But I will tell you one thing world, people will talk, can talk, and are probably talking right now, but at least I'll be one fat girl they'll remember. I'll be the fat girl that was actually doing something with herself, dragging herself, pushing herself up a hiking trail, swimming in the sea like a whale, and jumping off the end of a bridge hoping and praying the rope won't snap! You'll defintely have something to say, but it will be memorable because I'm not going to sit around and have people conclude amongst themselves why I'm so big and how I got so fat. No way, I wont be that Fat Girl.

I'm not going to rely on others to do what I want to do because my others may not be in for the adventure.  I'm not about to skip out on an adventure because someone else is afraid to do it. I won't let others hold me back from living my life.

It seems that being fat has drawn the line for what a person can and can not do. Yes world, I may be a fat girl, but at least I'm a happy fat girl that likes to be active regardless of my weight, size, and shape. I like to jump out of planes, swim in the sea, and hike through the beauty of nature in a forest so deep I can hardly breath. I may be gasping for air, fighting and bitching my way through but it's worth it and I can do it, I will do it. I wont conclude I can't before trying.  I didn't and wont let my weight stop me from doing all these things and more. If my other friends chose not to take a chance and live a little, do something different, step out of the norm--shopping, shoes, "looking pretty" then fine, look pretty but I'm not about to stop living for them.

They can hate me if they want to, it's not me they hate in the end, it's my courage to superseed the barriers the world puts on me for being a fat girl.  It's the fact that I chose to walk a different path, it's the courage they lack in having. The "I wish I can do that" instead of just DOING it--TRYING. That's what they hate, not me.

My life has taken new beginnings and they've started the day I got back from PR, actually they happeend on the fourth or fifth day of my trip. I'm happier than ever, and have looked at life with a more positive outcome. Being fat isn't going to draw a line for me. Being fat won't determine what I can or can not do or how active I will be. I won't be the fat girl who worries about what others think when I get in a wet suit, in a tiny canoe that looks like it will sink once I get in, or a paraglider that will plummet with all my weight or  hold my toungue  over dinner as if for some unknown reason I just got fat.

FUCK what the world thinks.  Live life, JUST DO IT. And don't get your head so wrapped up around what others might think or say. The world will always have something to say about you, might as well give them something good to say, or bite their toungue over ill words.

So weather some chose to sit on the sidelines and witness life pass them by or live it, I'll be here to share mine.

xoxo
Mayra

Plus Outfit of the Day

Slowly but surely, I can see and feel the difference of eating healthier on my body and it feels great and I will continue making better eating choices so I can maintain a healthy weight or a least not gain anything :)

Here's my outfit of the day for Thursday.

Purple Cardigan from Choice Plus (local shop), Grey Flowered Tunic from Torrid, Paris Blues Jeans & Velvet Flats from Ross. Nail Polish Cowgirl Up by OPI and Gold Key Necklace from Avon. Earrings from JCP.

Vacation Planning: Puerto Rico

So as some of you may or may not be aware, my trip to Puerto Rico is only 13 days away! I plan on making this trip memorable and will try to capture as much of the trip possible. 

I will be leaving with a group of friends and we all decided a weekly apartment rental for our stay there was the easiest and most economical way to go.  At first, we were going to get an apartment with the ocean view (pictured above) because it was only four girls going. Before finalizing and making a deposit two more girls decided to come along and therefore we needed a bigger place so we opted towards a bigger apartment around the corner from the first. 

The apartment is a whole lot bigger than the first choice and it's even cheaper for us with more girls coming along. Although we no longer have the beach view the beach is walking distance if any one of us decides to go relax in the sand. Besides, who's gonna be staring out the window anyway? I just hope the weather is nice enought to want to even go near the water!

Here's a collage  of our lovely apartment. I hope it looks this good when we get there! For now, I can say I'm already loving our 2nd chocie of an apartment better!

The setting reminds me of reality tv, 6 girls arriving at some location in a furnished home/apartment and live life like they know how! I have a feeling most of will be passed out all over the place lol.

I can't wait!!!!

Hello Stranger

Well Hello Hello!

A full week has passed since my last post. So much has happened since last wednesday when I felt at another low point in my life over some stupid boy...or maybe it wasn't the boy that was the problem it was me for allowing the idiot to ruin my days. The good thing is that I've put an ultimate end to that and since the guy knows how to be polite and respectful I've asked him to stay out of my life for good! And it's been good, and I'm so much better now and refuse and will not fall back into that mess again!

Anyway, a whole lot has been going on since last Wednesday. I had a four day weekend from work and did a whole lot of shopping! 

First I placed an order online with Torrid since they were having a really good sale and my package finally came in yesterday after what seem to take forever. I wasn't as fortunate as some you girls, whom I wont mention any names Liz or Crystal who happen to live around the corner from Torrid HQ lol oops, did I just mention names? It slipped lol

I ripped open my package last night and my mom was laying on the couch saying "que ordenaste ahora!" as if I hadn't already purchased enough over the weekend. I then told her "pero madre, eran unas ofertas buenisimas, tenia que aprovechar"  translation: "but mother, there was an awesome sale! I just had to take advantage!"  to  which she responds by saying "overas, es lo que me cuentas"  translation: "yea yea that's what you tell me"  lol I do have to admit I am guilty of giving her a white lie here and there when I've purchased things before but for the most part, everything I buy is always a good deal!

Anyway, my mother and I went shopping on Sunday which was awesome.  It's rare we actually get out doors cuz we're both home bodies and just love staying inside watching movies or eating lol.  After a day of shopping I took her to Olive Garden and had dinner there and finished just in time to come home and watch the novelas.  It was a pretty amazing weekend and I enjoyed it very much.

Now I'm only 2 weeks away from my trip to Puerto Rico and I'm super ecstatic about that as well! And how can I forget to mention I've purchased my dream camera! I've been reading the manual to get the jist of it and familiarize myelf with it and learn to navigate through it with ease and I have so many ideas and plans that revolve around this camera but I'll post more about that in due time.

For now, I'll close it here. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and short week! My weekend is a day away! Oh yea! ;)

Stupid Girl

I dont' know how I let him get me so down and out.  I ignored all the signs and fell like a fool.  I pushed him away and let him go and he returned time and time again.  Stupid tears I've shed for nothing.

Stupid girl you are

He never cared and lied through your screen, you always made up excuses for everything.  He moves on like a breath of air and you like a fish out of sea. 

Wet n Wild Lust Eyeshadow Pallet Look & Review

I purchased a few Wet n Wild eyeshadow pallets over the weekend and wanted to test them out myself since all I hear are great things about them.

Here is a makeup look I've created using the pallet. For my review, check out the video.

MAKEUP USED:

Lust Eyeshadow Pallet - Wet n Wild (above)

Blacktrack Fluidline

Mary Kay Ulitmate Mascara

Angelika Blush by Nars

Love Dove - MAC Slimshine Lipstick

xoxo Mayra